How many things have you wanted to do but never actually did because you couldn't find anyone to go with you?
Maybe it was a concert, a restaurant you've been wanting to try, or a weekend getaway.
Perhaps there's a class that sounded interesting until you realized you'd be walking into a room full of strangers.
Then there's that trip you've been talking about for years.
Every time the subject comes up, somebody has a reason they can't go.
One person doesn't have the money right now. Another can't get the time off. Your favorite travel buddy isn't interested in the destination, and there's always that friend who says, "Girl, yes! We HAVE to do that!"
Three years later, you're still discussing it.
At some point, you have to wonder whether you're planning an experience or organizing a committee meeting. 😂
I understand wanting company. I genuinely do.
Some things are simply more enjoyable when you have someone to laugh with, share the experience, or turn to afterward and say, "Did you SEE that?"
But I've also started thinking about how many things we miss because we're waiting for someone else to be ready.
Before we know it, "I'll go when I find somebody to go with me" becomes "I never got around to it."
When Did Going Alone Become Such a Big Deal?
There's something interesting about the way we react to people doing things alone.
A woman sitting by herself at a restaurant?
Somebody immediately assumes she's lonely.
Going to the movies alone apparently requires an explanation.
Traveling solo? Now people want to know whether you're okay, if something happened, and why you couldn't find anyone to go with you.
Meanwhile, a person can spend an entire weekend sitting at home alone, and nobody thinks twice about it.
Put that same person in a nice restaurant enjoying a fabulous meal, and suddenly we're concerned. 😂
I've never quite understood that.
Why does being alone in public automatically suggest something is missing?
Perhaps she wanted that particular meal, didn't feel like cooking, or simply enjoys her own company.
Or, and stay with me here, she just wanted to eat dinner.
Not everything requires a deeper explanation.
There's a Difference Between Being Alone and Being Lonely
I think this distinction matters.
Being alone is a circumstance. Loneliness is a feeling.
One doesn't automatically mean the other.
Some of the loneliest moments people experience happen while they're surrounded by others. On the other hand, an afternoon spent doing exactly what you want, without negotiating with anyone, can be pretty wonderful.
Think about it.
The restaurant is your choice.
Order whatever sounds good.
Browse the bookstore as long as you like.
Leave the museum when you're ready instead of when somebody else starts complaining that they've seen enough paintings.
And if you want to spend an extra twenty minutes in a shop because something caught your eye, there's nobody standing by the door sighing dramatically.
Not that I've ever experienced that, of course. 😂
There's a certain freedom in not having to negotiate every detail of an experience.
Sharing it might be wonderful too, but the experience doesn't automatically lose its value because you're enjoying it alone.
The Group Chat Is Not a Travel Agency
Now, as someone who works in travel, I have thoughts about this one.
Planning a trip with other people can be wonderful.
It can also become an Olympic event.
Everybody is excited when the destination first comes up.
Pictures start flying around the group chat. Resort recommendations appear, excursions are discussed, and people are already talking about what they're going to wear.
Somebody has started shopping before we've even settled on dates.
Then it's time to actually book.
Suddenly, the enthusiasm gets a little quieter.
The dates don't work for one person. Someone else thinks the resort is too expensive. Another wants to invite three more people, and at least one person disappears the moment a deposit is mentioned.
Interesting how that happens.
Meanwhile, the person who originally wanted to take the trip is still sitting at home waiting for everyone to agree.
Here's the thing.
If traveling with friends is important to you, by all means, plan those trips. Shared experiences can create wonderful memories.
But if there's somewhere you genuinely want to go, don't automatically assume the trip has to be canceled because nobody else can make it happen.
Organized tours, hosted group experiences, and solo-friendly destinations offer plenty of opportunities to explore without spending every moment by yourself.
Of course, safety, comfort, finances, and the destination itself deserve consideration. Solo travel isn't the right choice for every person or every trip.
Still, I hate the idea of someone looking back years later and realizing they never visited a place they dreamed about because the group chat couldn't agree on a date.
You Don't Have to Start With a Passport
Let's be reasonable.
If you've never done much on your own, I'm not suggesting you immediately book a two-week international vacation and announce that you're entering your solo travel era.
Although if that's what you want to do, please remember I am a travel advisor. We can discuss it. 😂
Start smaller.
Go to the movie you've been wanting to see.
Treat yourself to lunch somewhere nice, visit a museum, or attend an event that caught your attention.
Sign up for that class you've been considering.
Spend an afternoon exploring a part of your city you've never visited.
The first time might feel awkward.
Walking into a restaurant and hearing "Just one?" can make you suddenly feel as though you should provide a character reference and a brief explanation of your relationship status.
"Yes, one. And I'd like a booth, please."
That's the entire conversation.
Nobody needs to know whether you're single, married, divorced, dating, or simply enjoying an afternoon without having to discuss what everyone else wants for dinner.
Once you get past that initial discomfort, you may discover you actually enjoy it.
And if you don't? That's useful information too.
At least you'll know from experience rather than assumption.
Sometimes We're Using Other People as an Excuse
This part might sting a little.
Occasionally, waiting for someone to go with us has less to do with needing company and more to do with being uncomfortable trying something new.
It's easier to say nobody was available than admit we were nervous about going alone.
Having a friend along provides a little security.
There's someone to talk to if things feel awkward, a familiar face when we're somewhere unfamiliar, and another person to help navigate the experience.
Nothing wrong with that.
But it's worth asking whether we're genuinely waiting for company or using the lack of it as a reason to avoid something that makes us uncomfortable.
I can appreciate that distinction because I'm not naturally the person who walks into a room full of strangers and immediately starts making friends.
Some people can enter a room knowing absolutely nobody and leave with six new contacts, three lunch invitations, and somebody's grandmother's pound cake recipe.
I admire those people.
I am not those people.
So believe me, I understand the hesitation.
Still, being uncomfortable for the first few minutes doesn't mean the entire experience will be uncomfortable.
We have to give ourselves the opportunity to find out.
Enjoying Your Own Company Doesn't Mean You Don't Need People
I want to be clear about this because I think the conversation about independence sometimes goes too far.
There's nothing wrong with wanting companionship.
I enjoy having people to share experiences with. Laughing about something afterward, remembering the ridiculous thing that happened, or having someone who understands exactly why a particular moment was special can make an experience even better.
Relationships matter.
And I have no interest in becoming the woman who announces she doesn't need anybody every time someone suggests doing something together.
That's not independence. That's a whole different newsletter.
The goal isn't to stop wanting people in your life.
It's to stop putting your life on hold until someone else is available to participate in it.
Those are two very different things.
Your Life Is Happening Now
There's always a reason to wait.
A friend who can't get away this year might be available next year.
Your spouse may not be interested in that particular activity.
The people you'd normally invite could have completely different priorities.
And sometimes the timing genuinely isn't right.
But there's a difference between postponing something for a good reason and postponing it indefinitely because you're uncomfortable being the only person who wants to do it.
Time has a funny way of passing while we're making plans.
One day you're talking about the concert you'd love to attend, and the next thing you know, the artist has retired.
That restaurant you've been meaning to try closes.
The class stops being offered.
Before long, the trip you've dreamed about becomes something you talk about in the past tense.
"I always wanted to go there."
I don't particularly like the sound of that.
Not when the only thing standing between you and the experience was waiting for somebody else to say yes.
Make the Reservation Anyway
I'm not suggesting you abandon your friends, stop inviting people places, or decide every experience needs to become a solo adventure.
Keep planning the girls' trips.
Enjoy date nights.
Take family vacations.
Make memories with the people you love.
But somewhere in between all of that, give yourself permission to do a few things simply because you want to do them.
Buy the ticket.
Make the reservation.
Sign up for the class.
Explore somewhere new.
And when someone asks, "Who are you going with?"
You can simply say, "Me."
No apology or explanation necessary. And definitely no sad little speech about how nobody wanted to go with you.
You're not the consolation prize because someone else wasn't available.
You're perfectly good company.
Something to think about...
What's something you've wanted to do but keep postponing because you haven't found anyone to go with you?
Would you still want to do it if you knew nobody else was coming?
If the answer is yes, perhaps it's time to make a plan that doesn't require anyone else's approval.
Because the people you love can absolutely be part of your adventures.
They just don't have to be the reason you get to have them.