The Older I Get, the Less Impressed I Am

I've noticed something interesting about getting older.

I'm a lot harder to impress than I used to be.

Not in a cynical I've seen it all kind of way. I still appreciate beautiful things. I love a gorgeous home, a great outfit, a nice car, a fabulous vacation and a luxury hotel as much as the next person.

Probably more than the next person if we're talking about the hotel.

But those things don't automatically make me impressed with the person anymore.

There was a time when someone's title, accomplishments, connections or lifestyle could tell me quite a bit about how successful I thought they were.

Now I need more information.

How do you treat people when there's nothing they can do for you?

Can people trust your word?

Are you the same person in rooms where nobody important is watching?

Can you be happy for someone else without somehow making their moment about you?

What does your life actually look like beyond the parts everyone gets to see?

Those are the things I notice now.

Maybe that's one of the interesting parts of getting older. Your definition of "impressive" starts changing.

The Packaging Still Matters. It Just Isn't Enough.

Let's not get carried away here.

I haven't reached some enlightened stage of life where material things suddenly mean nothing to me.

I like pretty things.

I enjoy getting dressed up. I appreciate a beautiful home. I want the upgraded room with the better view. If there's a really good perfume involved, we may need to stop and discuss it.

None of that disappeared when I turned 50.

What changed is my tendency to confuse having impressive things with being an impressive person.

They're not the same.

Someone can have tremendous professional success and be impossible to work with.

A person can have a beautiful home and create a miserable atmosphere inside it.

You can be extremely well connected and still not know how to be a good friend.

On the other hand, someone whose life looks relatively ordinary from the outside can be the person everybody trusts, respects and calls when it really matters.

These days, that tells me a lot more.

I'm Impressed by People Who Don't Need an Audience

There is something about a person who doesn't need everybody to know everything they've done.

They don't have to casually mention who they know within the first twenty minutes of meeting you.

Every conversation doesn't somehow circle back to their accomplishments.

They can listen to someone else's good news without immediately responding with their own.

And they don't need to be the most important person in every room they enter.

That impresses me.

So does someone who can quietly do something kind without making sure there are witnesses.

Or admit they don't know something.

Change their mind when they learn something new.

Give credit where it's due.

Apologize without attaching a five-minute explanation that somehow leaves you wondering whether you're supposed to apologize to them.

That last one might deserve its own newsletter. 😂

The older I get, the more I notice people who are secure enough that they don't need to constantly demonstrate their importance.

Character Shows Up in the Small Stuff

It's easy to be charming when everything is going your way.

I pay more attention to what happens when it isn't.

How do you treat the server when your order is wrong?

What happens when somebody tells you no?

Can you disagree with someone without becoming disrespectful?

What do you say about your friends when they aren't in the room?

How do you behave when there's absolutely nothing to gain from being nice?

None of these moments are particularly glamorous.

They're also the moments that tend to tell you who someone really is.

I've learned that the person who knows exactly how to impress a room isn't always the same person you can depend on when the room empties.

Give me dependable.

Tell me you'll do something and then actually do it.

Be the person whose words and actions match often enough that people don't have to constantly figure out which one they're supposed to believe.

That's impressive.

Success Still Impresses Me. Just Differently.

I don't believe we have to downplay achievement to prove we've grown.

Building a successful career is impressive.

Starting a business takes courage.

Creating financial security matters.

Earning a degree, buying the house, reaching the goal, building something from nothing, becoming excellent at what you do those things deserve to be celebrated.

Ambition isn't the problem.

What interests me more now is who you became while you were achieving it.

Did success make you more generous or simply more impressed with yourself?

Can you walk into a room with people who can't advance your career and still find them worth talking to?

Do you remember the people who helped you before everybody knew your name?

Can you have more without needing someone else to have less?

Achievement tells me what you were capable of accomplishing.

Character tells me what it cost the people around you.

I've reached an age where both matter to me.

I've Also Stopped Being Impressed by Busy

This one took a while.

There was a time when a packed calendar sounded like evidence that somebody was doing something important.

Always working, going somewhere, answering the phone.

Always needed.

It can certainly mean you're building something.

It can also mean you haven't figured out how to say no.

Now I'm much more impressed by someone who has created a life with room in it.

Room for people.

Room for rest.

Time to take the trip instead of forever talking about the trip you'll take "when things slow down."

The ability to sit through dinner without checking your phone every four minutes.

Enough space in your life that an unexpected conversation with someone you love doesn't feel like an inconvenience because it wasn't on the calendar.

That doesn't mean ambition disappears.

I just don't think exhaustion is proof of it anymore.

How You Treat People Has Moved Much Higher on My List

Maybe this is the biggest change.

I'm impressed by kindness, but not the performative kind.

I'm talking about the kind that shows up when there's no advantage attached.

People who remember the person standing quietly at the edge of the room.

Those who don't suddenly become more attentive when they discover someone's title.

Friends who genuinely celebrate each other.

Couples who still seem to actually like each other after the anniversary post has been uploaded.

People who make others feel comfortable instead of making sure everyone knows they're the most accomplished person at the table.

You can learn quite a bit about somebody by watching how they treat people they don't need.

And you can learn even more by watching how they treat the people they supposedly love.

Maybe I'm Not Harder to Impress After All

Perhaps that's not quite what has happened.

I'm still impressed.

The criteria have simply changed.

I admire success, but I also want to know what kind of person is enjoying it.

Beauty catches my attention, but substance keeps it.

Confidence is attractive, but arrogance gets old remarkably fast.

Connections might get you into certain rooms, but how you behave once you're there tells me considerably more.

And a beautiful life?

I'll always appreciate one.

I just understand now that some of the most beautiful parts aren't necessarily the ones anyone else can see.

Maybe that's one of the gifts of getting older.

You stop being quite so dazzled by what something looks like and start paying more attention to what it is.

Something to think about...

Think about what impressed you twenty years ago.

Has your list changed?

Mine certainly has.

And while I still appreciate plenty of the things I did back then, these days I'm much more interested in the person behind all of them.

Because eventually you realize that what someone has can be impressive. Who they are is what stays with you.