Maybe You Don’t Need a New You

There always seems to be another version of ourselves we're supposed to be working toward.

She’s more disciplined, more organized, healthier, more confident and definitely better with money.

Her house is probably always clean too.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are still occasionally walking into a room and forgetting why we went in there.

Apparently, being a person has become one long renovation project.

I’m all for growth. There are things about myself I want to improve, goals I haven't reached and habits I know aren't doing me any favors. I've also learned a few lessons more than once, which feels unnecessary, but apparently the first demonstration wasn't convincing enough. 😂

Still, I wonder when wanting to improve became so closely tied to finding something wrong with ourselves.

At what point did becoming a better version of yourself start requiring you to be dissatisfied with the version you already are?

We're Always Chasing Her

Most of us have some imaginary future version of ourselves living in our heads.

Mine has it together.

She exercises consistently, drinks enough water, gets everything done on time and somehow manages to balance work, family, relationships, hobbies, health and rest without dropping anything.

I'm assuming she also remembers every password.

I haven't met her, obviously.

But I've definitely postponed feeling good about myself until I become her.

That's the trap.

We tell ourselves we'll feel confident after losing the weight. Pride can wait until the degree is finished. Relaxation comes after reaching the financial goal, while success is reserved for some future version of the business or career.

Then we get there and discover we've already moved the finish line.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting more.

I just don't think we should have to dislike where we are in order to pursue it.

Growth Doesn't Have to Start With Criticism

Think about how often change begins with something negative.

I hate the way I look.

I'm terrible with money.

I'm so unorganized.

I never finish anything.

I'm not confident enough.

Eventually, we start treating self-criticism like motivation.

Maybe it works occasionally. More often, I think it creates the feeling that our current selves are problems our future selves need to fix.

There has to be another way to grow.

Taking better care of your body can come from appreciating what it allows you to do rather than hating how it looks.

A new career goal doesn't erase everything you've already accomplished.

Learning to speak up for yourself doesn't require being embarrassed by all the times you stayed quiet before you knew how.

Wanting something different now doesn't make the choices you made then wrong.

Sometimes you've simply learned more.

Some Things About You Aren't Problems

This may be one of the harder lessons to learn, particularly when your personality doesn't match whatever trait seems to be celebrated at the moment.

Maybe you're quiet.

Perhaps large groups drain you.

You'd rather have dinner with three people you really like than work an entire room.

There might be times when you need to think before answering instead of immediately knowing what to say.

None of that automatically needs fixing.

For years, I think a lot of us have tried to improve characteristics that weren't necessarily flaws. They were simply different from the characteristics we thought successful, confident or interesting people were supposed to have.

But confidence doesn't require becoming the loudest person in the room.

Success doesn't have to turn you into someone who's constantly busy.

Being ambitious doesn't mean every part of your life needs to become a goal.

And personal growth definitely shouldn't require a personality transplant.

Before deciding something about yourself needs work, it might be worth asking whether it's actually causing a problem.

You may discover you don't need to change it at all.

The Finish Line Has Wheels

This might be my biggest issue with self-improvement.

Nothing stays accomplished for very long.

You lose ten pounds and immediately start thinking about the next ten.

One client becomes five.

The savings account reaches the number you once wanted, and suddenly there's a new number.

Finish one project and another is waiting.

Even the things we once desperately wanted can become background scenery almost immediately after we get them.

We barely stop long enough to acknowledge, Wait. I did that.

Ambition isn't the problem. I like having something to work toward.

But if the finish line moves every single time we get close to it, eventually we're going to spend an entire life feeling behind.

Every now and then, we need to turn around.

There is probably a version of you from ten years ago who would be impressed by some of the things you now consider ordinary.

She deserves to know you noticed.

What If the Goal Is More You?

The older I get, the less interested I am in becoming some completely different version of myself.

I'd rather become more comfortable with the woman who's already here.

That means trusting myself more, paying attention to what actually matters to me and becoming less interested in performing someone else's version of a successful life.

There are parts of me I want to strengthen.

Other things need to be released.

A few habits could absolutely go, and I can think of some procrastination tendencies that are welcome to pack their bags immediately.

But there are also things worth keeping.

My personality doesn't need to be completely redesigned.

Neither do my interests, the way I connect with people or every little quirk that makes me who I am.

Growth should help us become more ourselves, not make us unrecognizable.

Give the Current Version Some Credit

We're very good at noticing what's unfinished.

The goal we haven't reached gets attention.

So does the habit we haven't broken, the thing we've been procrastinating on and whatever we promised ourselves we'd have figured out by now.

We don't spend nearly as much time acknowledging what has changed.

Think about the things you've survived that once seemed impossible.

Remember decisions that used to terrify you but wouldn't today.

Consider boundaries you've learned to set, situations you've walked away from, chances you've finally taken and mistakes you're no longer making.

You're already somebody's "new you."

Probably your own from a few years ago.

And I think she deserves more than a quick acknowledgment before we hand her another list of things she needs to work on.

You Can Still Want More

None of this means giving up on growth.

I hope I'm still learning, changing and setting new goals for a very long time.

There will always be something I could do better. That's part of being human.

What I don't want is to spend my life treating myself like an unfinished project that will finally become worthy once enough improvements have been made.

I can appreciate who I am and still work on who I'm becoming.

There’s room for pride in what I've accomplished alongside frustration about what I haven't.

Some things need work. Others deserve acceptance.

Figuring out the difference may be one of the most important parts of growth.

Something to think about...

We spend plenty of time asking what we need to change.

Maybe a better question for today is:

What about yourself are you finally ready to stop trying to fix?

Not because you've given up.

Not because there's no room to grow.

But because after all this time, you're beginning to realize it may never have been broken in the first place.